Mary's Musings

The Neurodiverse Marriage

two person holding hands

The hubby and I just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. Given the families we came from, and the newness of our understanding of ourselves and our clans, many may be surprised we’ve made it this far. WE certainly are!!

Bill and I are both from long-term marriages, meaning that my parents were married 55 years when my father passed away in 2005, and Bill’s parents were married 37-ish (I’ll explain in another posting) years when his father passed in 1999. Those are some pretty good runs as far as marriages go.

Divorce and broken promises are not our family norms, and that has definitely been an influential factor in our staying together and working through the messy parts that all marriages encounter. But persistence is a common trait among neurodistinct (2) minds in general. Some call it rigidity or stubbornness when discussing the autistic community. But whatever the nomenclature, it’s a beneficial part of being a part of neurodiverse relationships.

Longevity in Neurodiverse Relationships

Persistence on the part of the neurodistinct partner, however, does not guarantee longevity in a relationship. When one or both of the partners is not informed about the naturally occurring differences of the human mind, maintaining a relationship can be utterly confusing. Blame and name calling can lead to a lot of irreparable hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

Major Emotional Instability as a Common Factor

Major emotional instability is also a common factor in these relationships. Volatile arguments, crying, analysis to paralysis, and blame are the uglier parts that we’ve wrestled with as recently as this week. Resolution sometimes takes a long time and outside resources to secure. But it is possible and occasionally, even affirming of the strength of the marriage.

Mary's Musings

Thoughts I have to share about neurodiversity

Walk alongside a Neurodiversity advocate & mom to gain ideas and new perspectives for creating peaceful, happy lives for our community.